Cube meeting etiquette.

Who works in a cube. Show of hands!

I don’t any more, but when I did, I wrote this. Got in trouble for it, too. Not because I was wasting company time—that’s just fine—but because I sent it to my neighbors who thought it was serious. That, my friends, is the biggest insult possible. You be the judge:

  1. Informal meetings in cubes are disruptive, and can interfere with your neighbor’s enjoyment of All Things Considered.
  2. If you must meet in a cube, it is common courtesy to bring a coffee cake.
  3. Meeting in a cube is unnecessary, as there are many windowless, drab conference rooms for you to use that are almost certainly booked.
  4. Keep in mind that work is a solitary act. Two or three heads are definitely not better than one carefully ducked-for-cover head.
  5. Informal meetings are rude to your fellow employees not at the meeting, who are reminded by the conversation that no one invited them.
  6. Loud discussions in cubes—especially between the hours of 9 to 11 and 1 to 4—must be avoided as it may wake up your neighbors.
  7. If you must have a short meeting in a cube, for the sake of confidentiality speak a language that the people around you can’t understand, preferably a dead language like Sanskrit or Aztec.
  8. Meetings about what a piece of work your cube neighbor is, and how you see them sneaking out early every day and they never sign up to clean the refrigerator and just the other day they were supposedly doing a webinar with their headsets on but you are pretty sure they were asleep, are permitted.
  9. Tupperware parties, Pokémon games, and Dance Dance Revolution, support groups, aerobics classes, Rolfing sessions, play read-throughs (especially anything by David Mamet), Paint your own pottery parties, spray tanning sessions, and primal scream therapy are considered meetings.
  10. If you absolutely need to meet in a cube, do it at someone else’s.

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