Ten things I overheard while in Jo-Ann Fabrics

  1. I want to bedazzle my bong,
  2. I think this potpourri smells like ass.
  3. For Halloween, do you think I should go as a slutty nurse, or a slutty princess?
  4. I think you could definitely make a polar fleece pant suit.
  5. You can’t make a ḥijāb out of Minnesota Vikings fabric. I don’t know why you can’t, you just can’t.
  6. Isn’t this camo flannel cute?
  7. Would you like to come up to my place, and see my string art?
  8. I’m making all my Christmas presents this year. I hate my family.
  9. Do you have any crafts that are like 90 percent done, and all I have to do is glue shit on it? Oh, wait—that’s like the whole place.
  10. Where’s the Christian thread? Hobby Lobby has Christian thread.

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