WOW, Parade!

One of my favorite reads is Parade Magazine. Seriously. I look it over every week in the Sunday paper. For those of you under 65, Parade is a Sunday supplement that can usually be found wedged between the Walgreens and the Sears ad. And for those under 50, the paper is that thing people read on the subway in old movies. You see, at one time that was how you found out the news when you weren’t watching newsreels. Like a slow, long-form twitter, only on recycled paper, dropped on your doorstep.

Anywho, I like Parade because it caters to an audience you don’t catered to often: the over 70 crowd. Parade on any given Sunday yields ads for walk-in bathtubs, pills, emergency alert pendants, tchotchke and other accoutrements to enrich the assisted living experience.

I, of course, read Parade purely as a tourist, but it is fun seeing ad after ad without a URL in sight.

But to that last point—not using the internet—a Parade ad last week came to the rescue:

wow computer ad: “Sorry, Buddy, I’ve got a new best friend…my WOW computer” says a white-haired gentleman talking to a dog. And then, “They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but seniors can use this new computer.”

As condescending as this is–I bet most seniors are shopping at Amazon just like the rest of us–and as depressing as this message is on the face of it—“Sorry Buddy, off to the pound for you now that I can watch puppy videos”—I was inspired by this approach, so I thought I could help out with some new copy:

  • Since I got my WOW computer, I’ve completely forgotten about my dead wife!
  • I don’t go outside anymore now that I got my WOW computer!
  • I wish Medicare covered Viagra, now that I have discovered MILFs on my WOW computer!
  • Thanks to my WOW computer, I know that Hogan’s Heroes and Gilligan’s Island were like Shakespeare compared to YouTube!
  • Since I got my WOW computer, I forget to take a shower! Wait, I’ve been forgetting to take a shower for years.
  • Thanks to my new WOW Computer, a Nigerian prince is sending me a small fortune!
  • My garden died since I got my WOW computer!
  • I don’t need family visits any longer, now that I can stalk my grandchildren on Facebook using my WOW computer!
  • I’m glad my career of designing software isn’t going to waste, now that I can spend my time debugging this dumbed-down toaster!
  • WOW indeed, buddy! Have you seen Justin Bieber’s dong?

No charge, WOW. I’d send this to them, but there’s no URL in the ad.

One thought on “WOW, Parade!

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