Advice from a 20-year-old me to 56-year-old me.

I recently came across one of those made for Facebook stories called, “Advice from 30-year-old me to 20-year-old me.” The currently 30-year-old author makes various sage recommendations to a 20-year-old him, such as to travel more, read more, quit watching TV—that sort of good but seldom-heeded advice.

Which made me look through my papers, and what did I find, written 36 years ago?

Advice from a 20-year-old me to 56-year-old me.

What are the chances? Good thing I looked now, because in six months this wisdom would have been wasted.

So let’s do this thing:

  1. Listen up, dude, now that you’re old, you have to have kick-ass credit cards. Use them. That’s what they are for. You’re not going to live much longer, so what the hell?
  2. Eat KFC. You love it. I can’t afford anything but mac and cheese—GENERIC mac and cheese—so no red and white bucket for me. You, on the other hand, can eat the 10-pack of original every night. Do it; no reason not to.
  3. Have sex every day. Hell, twice a day. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing now, young and horny and shit, but despite my best efforts, I can’t find a willing partner in the entire metroplex. You, on the other hand, are likely married. Why be married if you don’t screw every day?
  4. Get drunk. Like, all the time. You can. I can’t. I mean, I do sometimes, but not often enough. Crazy, man—you can just walk in the store and get all the booze you want. What a waste, when I’m the one who would benefit.
  5. Get those Fuelly Headers and Glasspacks you’ve always wanted. You earned them. Put them on the big American car I’m sure you own.
  6. Buy a pinball machine. Put it in the middle of the living room. Playing the silver ball never goes out of style.
  7. Don’t let them make you cut your hair. Let your freak flag fly.
  8. Did you go bald? Walk in front of a train. That’s all. Do it now.
  9. Don’t get all square. You know, working for the man, the ol’ 8-5, wearing a tie. Don’t do it, man. Stay cool.
  10. Keep on rocking. Crank it up!

me a long time agobald me

2 thoughts on “Advice from a 20-year-old me to 56-year-old me.

  1. What a hoot! Looks like the kind of advice i’d expect from a hip 20 year old. I do disagree with getting drunk a lot, tho’. Makes life pretty miserable.

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