Ask an existentialist by Alfonse Angst

Hi, everyone! I’m told the secret to a good blog is to host guest bloggers once in a while. Since advice I get at writing conferences is never wrong, here goes:

Ask an Existentialist

By Alfonse Angst

Dear Alfonse:
I have a problem I hope you can help with. My boyfriend only wants to hang out with the guys on weekends, but I think weekends should be for couples. After all, if you are in a relationship, shouldn’t you spend Saturday nights romancing your sweetie? Or should I just get over it and play pool at the corner bar with him and his friends?
–Lonely At The Bar

Dear Lonely At The Bar:
It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Soon enough you’ll die, and eventually you’ll be forgotten as if you never existed. What is happiness? What is romance? All we have is struggle and, eventually, death. You can either embrace this nothingness or not, doesn’t matter. So yes, I suggest getting over it.
–Alfonse Angst

Dear Alfonse:
My wife tends to have a few too many. How many is a few? She gets drunk pretty much every weekend, drinking until she passes out on the couch. Otherwise, she’s a good mother and partner. What should I do?
–In Need of Al-Anon

Dear In Need of Al-Anon:
Your wife is facing a common problem: dealing with the emptiness. She chooses to fill it with alcohol, while others medicate through religion or sex or procreation or whatever gives our short hopeless lives a semblance of meaning. Really, it doesn’t matter what you do. Soon our pointless lives will end and then we’ll be worm food. Therefore, the only logical, rational response is to grow out your hair, roll your own cigarettes, and find strangers to explain this all to on the train.
–Alfonse Angst

Alfonse Angst is a registered philosopher who lives at the Lake Street light rail station. Have a question for Alfonse Angst? Why? Will it matter?

 

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