We are sorry, the network is down

The network went down at work today. Down, as in no longer worked. Down as in no longer giving us our sweet connectivity fix. Here is a detailed timeline from the 4th floor offices as to what transpired, as a service to future anthropologists:

7:55 Red X appears over the network symbol in the task bar.

7:56 First curse word is heard across the office.

8:00 first person leaves their cube, stands in the aisle looking disoriented.

8:01 Group gathers in the aisle, saying nothing, just looking at each other.

8:15 Sound of weeping can be heard.

8:31 A crowd gathers at the printer, someone says “it’s no better than a lump of plastic.” Bob Karate kicks the printer.

8:40 Swinglines are hoarded, last of the candy bowls raided.

8:58 A scream is heard; several staff try to go online to report it, and become upset when they are unsuccessful.

9:52 A shirtless man wanders between cubes.

10:16 A bonfire fueled by Post-It notes is set in the staff kitchen.

10:51 Lord of the Flies rules are declared.

11:00 Jason, a particularly fit stock clerk, is declared His Highness of the 4th Floor, takes the wellness coordinator as his bride.

11:12 Cubes are torn apart to create shelters; wall panels are used as roofs.

11:22 Cannibalism is reported on the 6th floor.

11: 38 The network is finally restored; staff decide this would be a good time to go to lunch.


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